Thelittlebrownboy

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Oh no i’m back on Tumblr again. This cant possible end well with my French AP exam on Tuesday.

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Yea you stupid happy people, you cant take MY joy away. I want to sulk and be a grouch all day, i’ll do that, and you cant stop me because believe it or not, being a grouch feels good. So so good, but you wouldnt understand anyways because you’re too busy trying to spread your stupid love and happiness around or pretending like you’re the happiest person in the world. What you’re feeling isn’t real. No one is happy without a reason. I grouch because i value happiness, and i’ll feel happy when i damn well feel happy.

This has been a badly written self deluding post.

Yea you stupid happy people, you cant take MY joy away. I want to sulk and be a grouch all day, i’ll do that, and you cant stop me because believe it or not, being a grouch feels good. So so good, but you wouldnt understand anyways because you’re too busy trying to spread your stupid love and happiness around or pretending like you’re the happiest person in the world. What you’re feeling isn’t real. No one is happy without a reason. I grouch because i value happiness, and i’ll feel happy when i damn well feel happy.

This has been a badly written self deluding post.

(Source: theloveyourselfchallenge.tumblr.com , via selfinflictedhappiness)

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I’d tumble right now but i’m just feeling nothing right now. All i got going for me is a dull ache somewhere near my occipital lobe and the fading panic of app deadlines.

I really should put stuff up more on here, but its that kind of thing that i do when i’m in a dark and lonely place. Just gonna awkwardly say sorry in advance for all the depressing shit now. 

So bye, i guess… 

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I see her

I mean it was cute i guess. The way i was just like her a year ago. She’s so much wiser than i was last year, but she has that same inner sadness that i did too. She’s so sad on the inside. She’s a girl though, so she tries to be a happy person.

But she just cant shake it. She just has to walk that cave by herself, without a light. The harder part is that she doesn’t tell anyone, and she thinks no one notices it. I notice it though. I see the aching pit in her chest. Where there was a little hopeful youth looking out at the world with her eyes and wonderment. At first she looked out at the miserable sight in search of what she was looking for. But then days and days passed by. The funny thing about those days passing by is that they picked up momentum, the weight of each one incrementally adding its own weight to the pile until they all slid together into years. Now in her adolescence she’s as lost as ever

I could dive in though. I could dive into that pool of hers. Through the surface of shimmering tropical waters and deeper towards the abyss. Its hidden among the reefs, unnoticed to the passerbys glance. Even her friends wouldn’t notice it. They’re blind to the deepening chasm like the fish in those reefs. Swimming with their idiot grace in the colorful reefs of coral and anemones, they live at the edges of the reef but still dont see whats infront of them. Maybe i would be the monster that found her shivering at the bottom. Scaly and grotesque, dripping with slime and chitinous. He would dive down with expert strokes and alight gently next to her in the water where she looks at him with sudden expectation. She’d always had that tiny hope

I dont know what happens next. Maybe he reaches towards her, ever so tenderly, expectantly. She might hold on gingerly and they might stare at each other for what feels like eons. The most fractional changes in their faces being the equivalent of countless thoughts passed to one another. They look deeper and deeper into each others eyes they way lovers kiss, wishing their bodies could just be one but 

This will probably never get finished. Sorry about that